The Beginning of a Transformation

Welcome to my world everyone. I guess I'll start the first post explaining a little bit about myself:

I am Ashley, born and raised in Detroit, with the privilege of being African American with roots descending from Grenada, Ireland, Africa, South America, and Native America.

Growing up as the only child in a two parent household and (in my opinion) being a favorite great-grand and grandchild, I experienced love from all ends of the family spectrum. I took dance on the weekends for years with trips to the local fresh food market "Eastern Market" ( http://www.detroiteasternmarket.com/ ) thanks to my wonderful mother, and experienced what it felt like to be a "Daddy's Girl" with the help of memorable movie dates,  Chinese food dinners, and the ability to get my way a little bit more with my dad. 

I was very active in the Church, school, choir and grew up in what I would say was a very positive environment. Honor roll, writing contests, talent shows, amazing family and friends, it all came to me. But down this road, I acquired a love all my own......

FOOD.


I've always loved food, I'd get in trouble for sneaking it, eat it because it was there, lie about it and repeat the cycle til I was officially a fat kid. I haven't been small since I was about 4 years old. I've always been cute and chubby and at one point....heck hundreds of points I've just felt plain FAT. 

I've dealt with the feelings of being the "fat friend" or "fat with a cute face" for most of my life and the trials and heartache that come with constantly being stereotyped by my peers or people who knew little or nothing about me at all. I remember the first time someone referred to me as being "thick" though...haha that gave me some confidence.

The curvy confident women around me though, is where I gained my confidence. My mother, my aunt, women at church. They had so much grace, so much presence, I wanted to know their secret. How they could hear the same things that I'd hear and still be strong enough to stand up and say "I'm here, this is me, this is what I stand for take it or leave it,"? I had always found myself wanting to be someone else or at least me with someone else's body.

But as I grew.... I started to realize who I was, what I had  to offer to this world, and that I was a force to be reckoned with if I just used all of my potential. I knew that all I needed to do to be a better me, was to THINK like a better me. If I was unhappy with something, I'd try my hardest to either accept it or change it. It started with changing the way that I think. I could no longer play the victim, I could no longer be unrealistic about my health, whether it'd be emotional, mental, physical or spiritual.


I knew that my emotional health would struggle if I didn't love myself. I knew that I couldn't be mentally focused if I wasn't healthy, and I knew that in order to be closer to God, that I would have to treat my body like the temple that it is and exercise more than I had been doing. I knew what didn't make me happy and that I wanted to feel more confident in myself when it came to my appearance. Once I figured that out about myself, I made a small, but very important step:


I changed my eating habits, and stopped eating red meat, and never had been an avid eater of pork, and left myself eating either fish (sushi!!!), chicken or veggies. I drank no pop, I cleansed myself and I noticed my glow...and the amazing thing was, so did everyone else. 

I had always had the brains, the singing voice that everyone loved, the personality, but my insecurity had always still been being curvier, thicker, heavier, plus sized, so I did something about it. Now don't get me wrong. I will never be a size 2, that's just not my style. I have a love/hate relationship with my hips, breast, thighs, and butt. I know that they could be BETTER and that's what I strive for, but I would never trade these curves in for a walk on the side of confidence that I can only imagine exists. We all have our flaws and I can appreciate when friends of mine envy my hips or when the guys swoon over the same. It keeps me grounded, it boosts my confidence, it sparks up my self desire.


It's funny. I had a crush on a guy forever. The crush of a lifetime...but I was always the fat friend right? This was years ago. But when that same crush saw me years later on my way to college and those curves had filled out with hips, small stomach, full breast....mhmmm you know he wanted to touch. Hahahaha but I could only laugh and be disappointed that he only saw that and not the person that I had been all along. That's the other side of it all. Things like that help me to be grateful for the people who love ASHLEY. The one that mentally arouses them, the Ashley who has been there before the beginning of this transformation, and will be there at the end of it all. 


I'm not even all the way there. I've started this journey alone but plan to reach out to my other curvy girls who want to uplift themselves whether it'd be emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically. That's why I started Bodacious Butterfly Inc. (BBI) I want to create a sisterhood because this is not easy to do alone. Plus sized girls are making moves nowadays in society but for some reason we STILL aren't really heard. It's like they're trying to stuff cupcakes down our throat to keep us away, but we're not havin' it ( Okay maybe one) but on another note...It is 5 a.m. and I have to go view my friend, my sweet angel Ineisha Howard's body (Lord Rest her soul) this afternoon so I will talk more about BBI tomorrow. I'm sure you're tired of reading anyway...


*~Toodles Butterflies~*